Thus Spake Mulla Nasruddin - 225 Mulla Nasruddin Stories That Never Happened by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.pdf

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Thus Spake Mulla Nasruddin
225 Mulla Nasruddin Stories That Never Happened
Miscellaneous
225 Jokes
Year published: 1972
Book dedicated to Ma Yoga Vivek
1.
The mother told her little boy, Nasrudin, that if he stayed home and behaved himself, she
would bring him something from the store.
When she returned home, she asked him: "Well, were you a good little boy, Nasrudin?"
"Oh," said Nasrudin, "I was gooder than good. Why, I was so good I could hardly stand
myself."
2.
"Please, mister, will you ring that doorbell for me?" asked little Nasrudin.
The gentleman obliged with a beaming smile.
"Now, sonny, what else should I do?"
"Run like hell!" said Nasrudin.
3.
A very voluble preacher was working himself into a frenzy during a sermon on hell and
damnation. Little four-year-old Nasrudin in the congregation couldn't take his eyes off
the wild figure in the pulpit. Finally he whispered to his mother: "What will we do if he
ever gets loose?"
4.
The four-year-old Nasrudin's birthday party was well organized the neighbourhood
ladies, with games, races, and treasure hunts. In the midst of the confusion, little
Nasrudin asked: "When this is all over, can we play?"
5.
Father: "Remember, son, beauty is only skin deep."
Mulla Nasrudin: "'S' deep enough for me. I'm no cannibal."
6.
The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his
hopeful son, Nasrudin. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor; French, weak;
Mathematics, poor; History, weak;" and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad.
"Well, Dad," said Nasrudin, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?"
And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health, excellent."
7.
A teacher attempting to broaden the outlook of her narrow-horizoned class, asked each
student to write an essay on his views of foreigners. All turned more or less acceptable
pieces except for hard-bitten young Nasrudin, whose essay in full was: "All foreigners
are bastards."
The shocked teacher made us direct comment but devoted her next lecture to a
description of Greek architecture, Roman law, English drama, German music, Italian
poetry, Russian novels, Chinese philosophy, and African sculpture. She then asked the
class tow rite another essay on foreigners.
With beating heart, she reached Nasrudin's paper. It said, in full: "All foreigners are
bastards. Some are cunning bastards."
8.
Nasrudin (who has eaten his apple): "Let us play Adam and Eve."
Small sister: "How do you play that, Nasrudin.
Nasrudin: "Well, you tempt me to eat your apple and I will give in."
9.
Nasrudin, aged seven, asked to count in school, responded promptly: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,
9, 10, jack, queen, king."
10.
Little Nasrudin pulled a very weed from the garden. "You must be pretty strong,
Nasrudin, to pull out such a big weed," remarked a neighbour.
"Yes," agreed Nasrudin. "Do not forget that the whole world was pulling on the other
side."
11.
"What a boy you are for asking questions," said Nasrudin's father. "I'd like to know what
would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy?"
"Perhaps," suggested young Nasrudin, "You would have been able to answer some of
mine."
12.
The little boy, Nasrudin, would not take his medicine. His father was trying to persuade
him.
"Come on, Nasrudin," said his father. "I don't like medicine any better than you, but I just
make up my mind that I'll take it, and I do. It's just a question of will power."
"Well, when I have got medicine to take," said Nasrudin, "I just make up my mind that I
won't take it, and I don't."
13.
It seemed to the father of Mulla Nasrudin that, now that his son had turned thirteen, it
was important to discuss these matters which an adolescent ought to know about life.
So he called Nasrudin into the study one evening, shut the door careful, and said with
impressive dignity: "Son, I would like to discuss the facts of life with you."
"Sure thing, Dad," said Nasrudin. "What do you want to know?"
14.
"Will you marry me, darling?" asked Mulla Nasrudin.
"Before I give you my answer," the young lady said, "I'd like to ask you one question: Do
you ever drink anything?"
"Yes," said the young Nasrudin rather proudly, "Anything."
15.
Gruff father to Nasrudin: "Why don't you get out and find a job? When I was your age I
was working for Rs.3 a week in a store, and at the end of five years I owned the store."
Nasrudin: "You can't do that nowadays. They have cash registers."
16.
"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Mulla, please kiss me."
But Mulla Nasrudin turned his head away, saying: "of course not. How can I? I am your
own brother-in-law. Heck, we shouldn't even be lying here making love."
17.
The first morning after the honeymoon, Mulla Nasrudin got up early, went down to the
kitchen, and brought his wife her breakfast in bed. Naturally she was delighted. then he
spoke: "Have you noticed just what I have done?"
"Of course, dear; every single detail," said his wife.
"Good," said Nasrudin. "That is how I want my breakfast served every morning after
this."
18.
Mulla Nasrudin had been back from his honeymoon only a week when a friend asked
him how he liked married life.
"Why, it's wonderful," was his enthusiastic reply. "It's almost like being in love."
19.
"I should never have got married," said Mulla Nasrudin, the newly wed, to his pal at
work. "My wife does not like me when I am drunk, and I can't stand the sight of her when
I am sober."
20.
Mrs. Mulla Nasrudin: "Just think, we have been married twenty-four hours."
Mulla Nasrudin: "Yes, and it seems like it was only yesterday."
21.
"These spoons which your aunt gave us as a wedding present are not real silver,"
announced Mulla Nasrudin.
"Do you know anything about silver, Mulla?" asked his wife.
"No," replied Nasrudin, "but I know a lot about your aunt."
22.
The little old lady had watched the tender parting of the young couple at the loading
ramp. As the plane taxied down the runaway, the young man, Mulla Nasrudin, burst into
tears.
"There, there, my boy, don't cry," said the lady, who was sitting next to him. "Are you
crying so because you have to leave your wife?"
"No," said Nasrudin, "because I have to go back to her."
23.
"We've been married a year and we never quarrel," explained Mulla Nasrudin. "If a
difference of opinion arises and my wife is right, I give in right away."
"But what if you are right, Mulla?" asked his friend.
"Well," said Nasrudin, "that situation has never come up."
24.
It was their first quarrel.
"And you tell me that several women proposed marriage to you?" asked the wife.
"Yes, several," replied the Mulla.
"Well, I wish you had married the first fool who proposed."
"I did," said Nasrudin.
25.
"Now that you are married, Mulla, I suppose you will take out an insurance policy?"
Mulla Nasrudin's friend told him at work.
"Oh, no," answered Nasrudin. "I don't think she's going to be so dangerous."
26.
"Do you think that you have as good a sense of judgement as I have?" asked the wife
during a quarrel.
"Well, no," replied Mulla Nasrudin slowly. "Our choice of partners for life shows that
you have better judgement than me."
27.
"How is it that, after only three months of marriage, you manage to stay out so late every
night?" asked Mulla Nasrudin's wife.
"It;s easy," said Nasrudin. "I got into the habit while we were courting."
28.
Mulla Nasrudin left his young wife alone on the beach for a few minutes. When he came
back, he saw a crowd of excited people gathered at the water's edge. "What's the matter?"
he asked a cop. "They just pulled some dame out of the water," was the reply. The Mulla
investigated and found that the rescued party was his wife. "What are you doing to her?"
he cried. "We are giving her artificial respiration," was the answer. "Artificial, hell,"
screamed Nasrudin. "Give her the real thing. I will pay for it."
29.
"Darling," she whispered to Mulla Nasrudin after the last quest had left the wedding
reception, "for the rest of your life you will have to put up with my ugly face."
"Never mind," said Nasrudin. "I will be out at work all day."
30.
He was so sick that his doctor ordered him to take a long rest cure in Florida. But after
two months he died anyway.
Shipped back home, the corpse was viewed by the widow and her brother, Mulla
Nasrudin. "Mulla," she sighed, "he does look nice, doesn't he?"
"He sure does," replied Nasrudin. "Who wouldn't after two months in Florida?"
31.
Mulla Nasrudin went in to see his dentist, and when asked which tooth was bothering
him, replied: "Oh, just drill anywhere, doc. I feel lucky today."
32.
At a political meeting addressed by one of the dignified statesmen, Mulla Nasrudin
insisted on shouting: "Who is the woman you're living with in the capital?"
He was ignored and once more yelled: "Who is the woman you're living with in the
capital?"
His friend pulled his arm anxiously: "Shut up. That's his wife."
"I know. I know," said Mulla Nasrudin. "but I am going to make him admit it."
33.
"Mulla Nasrudin, do you plead guilty?"
"I couldn't say, your Honour," said Nasrudin. "I haven't heard the evidence yet."
34.
Mulla Nasrudin boasted how he kept his money in a sock under the mattress.
"Sure," advised his friend, "you lose interest that way."
"Indeed I don't," said Nasrudin. "I put a bit aside for that as well."
35.
The visitor complained of the long muddy avenue to Mulla Nasrudin's house.
"Well, now," soothed the Mulla, "If it was any shorter it would not reach the house."
36.
"I intend to put together a volume of my collected sermons to be published
posthumously," said the preacher to Mulla Nasrudin.
"Oh, really -- I shall look forward to that," said Nasrudin.
37.
"What are you giving up for Ramadan?"
"Smoking, drinking and chasing women. What are you giving up, Nasrudin?"
"Telling lies," said Mulla Nasrudin.

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