To Be Remembered.pdf

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To Be Remembered
by Eric Simon
Introduction
What you are about to read is an exercise in cooperative imagining. This book will provide you with all the
directions you need for leading someone through one or more exploratory roleplaying sessions. You will take
on the part of a guide, directing the player with questions and descriptions to make the imagined experience
as vivid as possible.
The goal of this exercise is to provide a framework for conversation and a vehicle for understanding. When
we are facing death – whether our own or someone else’s – it can be difficult to know what to say at any
given time. We want to spend time together, but it is often hard to make that time productive. The activities
described in this book can help you develop a positive shared experience to make the most of your time.
Why roleplaying?
Imaginative play is a practice that we all share from our earliest childhood memories. When we were young, it
was a way to try out ideas and activities that we could not yet explore in real life. When we are at the end of
life, it can serve the same purpose. We can imagine ourselves in times and places that for many practical
reasons could no longer happen in real life. This allows us to find resolution and healing, even with regard to
events that are far in the past.
Terms
Player:
In this book, we will not refer to anyone as a “patient,” but rather as a “player.” Player is an active
term, and we want to emphasize the idea that this is a participatory exercise done with the player’s
involvement rather than a type of care or therapy that is simply applied to a passive patient. Also, we will use
the pronoun “they” to refer to the player.
Guide:
You are the guide or guides. There are three different roles for the guides listed below, and these can
be shared however you want among the people who are available. If you have enough people, you can each
choose one, or you can all take turns with every role. You might even have one person do two roles and
everyone else share the other. You should do whatever feels most comfortable for you. We will use the
pronoun “you” to refer to the guides.
Scene:
Each scene is one short imagined experience that has a clear beginning, middle, and end. A session
can be one or more scenes, based on how the player feels. However, it is always important to bring closure to
a scene before ending the session.
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The Dragonfly:
At the beginning of each scene, the script asks the player to imagine a dragonfly leading
them to the time and place of their choosing. The script then has the dragonfly escorting the player away at
the end of the scene. This visualization of a distinct and non-threatening image helps spark the imagination
and frame the experience. If you have an idea of an animal that would better suit a specific player, feel free to
change it. However, it should then be the same animal every time you play.
The Guides
The Narrator:
The narrator is the guide who starts and ends each scene. You will also help the player if they
are having any difficulty remembering something or deciding on something.
The Eye:
The eye asks questions and gives feedback about what the player sees in the imagined scene. You
provide detail to help make the visualization easier and more effective.
The Voice:
The voice asks questions and gives feedback about the things that the player hears in the
imagined scene. You might sing songs when prompted by the player, or you might take on the role of another
person and speak as that person in the scene.
In the sections that follow, there will be directions for each of these roles. Make sure you read through all of
them before you start the session so that you know what you are trying to do in your role depending on what
kind of scene the player wants to experience. In addition to the directions, there may be speeches or
questions that you can either read exactly as they are or use as starting points for your own ideas. These will
be in
italics
so that you can quickly find what you want to say.
The most important rule:
Everything you do is for the player first.
Even if you have some knowledge about the event, setting, or
people involved in a scene, let the player direct you and decide what they want to happen. This is not about
being accurate or realistic; it is about imagining beyond the possible and serving the needs of the player.
Other rules:
Accept all feelings.
In the processes of coping and grieving, there are no wrong feelings. Emotions are not
right or wrong, they just are. Whatever happens in the course of a session, accept it and validate it. This is
true for everyone involved – player and guides. Whatever needs to be expressed, let the person express it.
Listen actively and respond respectfully.
When you ask questions, keep in mind that they are simply the
beginning of a conversation. Do not be in a hurry to move on to the next question if you can help the player
explore more detail. Give the player time to answer, and make sure that you repeat what they say when you
help describe the scene so that they know they have been heard and validated.
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Starting the Session
The Narrator
begins by reading the following speech or by improvising something similar:
Today we are going to imagine together. You will get to go anywhere you want, anytime you want, and
talk to anyone you want. You can be a different age or even a different person than you are now.
Nothing is impossible in our imaginations.
You may close your eyes or keep them open. I would like you to start by imagining a dragonfly. Picture it
in your mind, just hovering here in the room in front of you. Think about the colors of its long body and
the sparkle of its shining wings.
[The following questions are optional:]
Can you tell me what colors you see?
How close is the dragonfly right now? What is it doing?
[The speech continues as follows:]
Now that you can see the dragonfly so well, it can show you wonderful things. It is going to lead you to a
different place and time, but it will only take you where you want to go. Don’t worry about picking the
perfect place and time – the dragonfly will take you as many places as you want. Just think about where
you want to go right now, and it will lead you there.
Can you tell the dragonfly where to take you?
[Wait for the player to decide, offering gentle and broad suggestions if needed.]
That’s great. The dragonfly seems excited to go there. It begins to fly around the room, and you find
yourself able to follow it. As you move towards it, it keeps leading you farther and farther away. The
room begins to fade around you and you find yourself being pulled into that other place. When you
finally arrive, the first thing you see is the dragonfly dancing happily in front of you, but as you look
around you see many other new things…
By this time, you may have some idea about what kind of scene the player wants to experience. Does the
player want to see someone they love, or participate in a favorite activity? Then use the directions under
Scenes of Love.
Does the player want to correct a past mistake? Use the directions under
Scenes of
Forgiveness.
Does the player want to explore an unfulfilled goal or dream, or communicate something about
their life to you? Use the directions under
Scenes of Remembrance.
In some cases you may not be able to tell at first what kind of scene to run, or the player may move more
fluidly between the different types. Feel free to pick and choose questions from each section as appropriate
for the scene you are running at the time.
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Scenes of Love
Your presence in the player’s life right now is the most important expression of love you can offer, but
sometimes the player wants to think about other people, places, or activities they have loved over the years.
These scenes can relive wonderful experiences or renew relationships long past. The guides may ask questions
in any order, taking turns guiding the player. You do not have to ask all of the questions for your role, and
you may add questions as things come up.
The Narrator
Can you tell me a little bit about where we are?
How old are you?
Who else is here?
The Eye
Tell me about the sky. Is it sunny or cloudy? What else do you see around you?
What are you wearing? Tell me about the colors.
What are those other people doing right now? Tell me about their faces – are they having a good time?
The Voice
Would you like the other people to talk to you? What would you like them to say?
Do you hear any music? What song is it?
[Whenever the voice asks a question, try to follow up the answer by actually speaking as the other
people in the scene or by singing a part of the song mentioned. If you don’t know it, ask the player to
help you.]
Once you have established the scene, let the player tell you what they would like to experience. If the player is
having trouble deciding or expressing that, the narrator can try the following prompt:
Is there something here you would like to do? Remember, you can do anything you want in this place,
and it will always work out right.
Then, once the player seems like they are finished, the narrator should wrap up with this speech:
The dragonfly has returned. It flies closer and closer to you, letting you know that it is time to go for now.
But you can come back to this place whenever you want. As the dragonfly comes closer, you notice that
your room is here again. You are once again in the place where you started. The dragonfly hovers for a
moment, waiting. Would you like to rest, or would you like to go somewhere else?
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Forgiveness is one of the most valuable tasks we can undertake at the end of life. It is at the core of most of
our struggles with resolution and closure, so finding forgiveness is often the key to finding peace. The player
may want to ask for forgiveness for past mistakes, or they may want to forgive someone else and let go of a
long-held pain. Either way, these scenes may be very emotional for both the player and the guides. Always
remember that you have permission to cry and to take breaks. But try your best to make it through the scene
– for yourself certainly, but most importantly for the player. This scene should not end until forgiveness has
been offered and accepted.
Again, you may ask questions in any order or make up additional questions.
The Narrator
Can you tell me a little bit about where we are?
Has something happened here that you would like to change or fix? Is there something you want to do
differently?
The Eye
Who else is here? What do they look like right now?
Is there something comforting that you would like to hold while you are here?
The Voice
Is there something you would like to say to this person?
Is there something you would like this person to say?
[The voice is extremely important for these scenes. You are responsible for taking on the role of the
person forgiving the player or being forgiven by the player. Note that if the person in the scene is
actually someone present in the room, that person may want to be the voice, or that person may not.
Either choice is acceptable, but you should keep the scene moving forward.]
Before deciding whether the scene is finished, the narrator should ask:
Are you at peace?
If the answer is yes, then the narrator can close the scene:
The dragonfly has returned. It flies closer and closer to you, letting you know that it is time to go for now.
But you can come back to this place whenever you want. As the dragonfly comes closer, you notice that
your room is here again. You are once again in the place where you started. The dragonfly hovers for a
moment, waiting. Would you like to rest, or would you like to go somewhere else?
Scenes of Forgiveness
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