Everyone in the pipeline is gone. The Weather Wizard, the Mist, Rainbow Raider, Deathbolt (RIP) and my beloved Peekaboo. (Actually, not so beloved. Turns out Shawna Baez is mean.) I needed a freaking drink or a whole chocolate cake. I decided on both because…well I’m an adult! I brought a bottle of Rebel Yell and sat in WW’s cell for a while trying to imagine what it must have been like for my super-powered super angry metahuman prisoners. Sure, I tried to make things dare I say fun for them but did I do enough? Could I have done more? Another swig or two later and about halfway through my cake, I decided to read over my previous entries for the first time.
Before I knew it, the bottle was empty, rolling around my feet and I may or may not have been reading aloud in my best Shakespearean accent, my face covered in frosting. Wait, when did I take my shoes off? Focus Cisco. I had some damn good times down here. Remember Cinema Cisco? Bumble and the Destroyer? What about that time Bivolo and I really bonded and he painted my portrait? Sure, I’ve almost died (been murdered) like a million times but hey, I’m still kicking. We thought we could rehabilitate the metas, when that failed, we thought we could at least save their lives by moving them out of the pipeline. But maybe this whole operation was doomed from the start. I guess without any prisoners, these chronicles are coming to a close. I will leave you with the following observations.
- Don’t go after the bad girl (or boy.) It ain’t worth it. Shawna was kinda a jerk after all. Caitlin warned me and as always, Caitlin was right. I thought Shawna was cool and misunderstood. Like a bully in a 80s movie that just needs a buddy or someone to believe in them. Then she tried killing Caitlin and bounced without a second glance. I gave you my mom’s enchiladas, woman! Go on, find Clay – I’m sure he’s going to treat you right.
- The key to metahuman happiness is Tina Fey. I eventually screened the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt for the Pipeline and then some Tina heavy episodes of Saturday Night Live and they literally did not try to kill me for like… two days. Bivolo kept trying to act out different skits with me, though. That got old real quick.
- Not all Gorillas like bananas. In fact, they get very angry at the sight of them. DO NOT try to give a telepathic gorilla a banana.
- Trust no Snarts. No matter how cute they are. I’m talking about you Captain Cold. With your steel blue eyes. You stabbed us in the back, and then yes you saved Barry’s life, but still we are NOT EVEN. (Say hi to your sis.)
Well it’s been fun documenting the best year of my life. I hope you enjoyed the chronicles as much as I loved writing them.
Cisco, Out!
pati94blackangel