qx1049.pdf

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GAY LONDON
print + web
APRIL
2015
QXMAGAZINE.COM
iPad + iPhone
Yes,
Asians
Raise your hand if you like the term ‘gays’.
Like not ‘gay people’ but as in the ‘God Hates
Gays’ placards wielded by the pitifully sad
and ever-increasingly desperate Westboro
Baptist Church, an organisation who are the
media equivalent of a toddler who does a shit
on the floor to get attention.
But their use of ‘gays’ or ‘fags’, or even
‘homosexuals’, is calculated. It’s a lot
easier to hate a dehumanised ‘gay’ than
a living, breathing person who feels the
same emotions and bleeds the same colour
blood. This use of derogatory language
is widespread to make minority groups
‘other’: n*ggers, scroungers, immigrants, the
crackheads and crazies of Bethnal Green.
Language can even be used to separate
people
with
power from their humanity, and
their emotional thinking. Elizabeth Stoker
Bruening published a piece last month in the
What’s it like to be an Asian guy in
a world of gay hook-up apps where
some users just say ‘No Asians’?
By Patrick Cash
New Republic
entitled ‘Dear Politicians, Stop
Calling People “Taxpayers”’.
In it she writes: ‘While “people”
designates the broadest possible public as
the subject of a political project, “taxpayer”
advances a considerably narrower vision –
and that’s why we should eliminate it from
political rhetoric and punditry.’ When you’re
a taxpayer you’re no longer considering the
human needs of people on benefits, it’s all
about the cost to your income.
As that old dragged-up
mademoiselle
of fate would have it, just as I was writing
this introduction a meme flashed up on my
Facebook news page from ‘Common Gay Boy’:
“EQUALITY” scream the white gays with
LEGALIZE GAY across their shirts & “NO
BLACKS NO ASIANS NO FEMS” across their
Grindr profiles
Despite ‘white gays’ doing exactly that
dehumanising thing I describe above, the
angrily capitalised message has a point.
You’d think being dehumanised by casual
ignorance as ‘gays’ would be bad enough,
but instead of rebelling against that by
celebrating and expressing our humanity, we
instead pass on the oppression. And one of
our own minorities who really suffers is gay
men of South-East and East Asian ethnicity.
‘No Asians’ is totally plastered over those
windows of hook-up apps like Grindr as if
they were newsagents run by UKIP. Guys
claim they’re not being racist, because it’s a
personal sexual preference, but who stops to
think about the effect seeing those words will
have on Asian men? Many of those perfect-
bodied, headless torso profiles are not from
closeted guys, but out-but-not-proud Asian
guys scared of rejection.
In a recent report from Public Health
England it found that gay/bi men from an
ethnic minority have ‘significantly higher rates
of suicide, self-harm and mental illness’. It
also found that ‘the personal testimonies’ of
these men often go untold. So we spoke to
three gay, Asian men from the scene to find
out their own stories, and what they think of
that horrible ‘No Asians’ tag.
Marc Abe
Photographer
I moved to London
from Tokyo when I was 18. I like taking
pictures. I live a settled life with my partner and two Siamese cats.
I grew up in Tokyo so my perspective isn’t relevant, but all I can say
is that I never really notice my ethnicity when I’m in London, but
I think I’m fortunate to say I have not. Although, I do get people
“guessing” my race and getting it wrong all the time and it drives
me insane. “I’ve been to China,” isn’t the cleverest opener…
I was never active on any of those hook-up apps, but I am
aware of the profiles with racial preferences. For me personally,
“ASIANS ONLY” or “NO ASIAN” are both equally rude. Sure,
everyone has a type, but I think it’s a little too much. I don’t walk
around with a placard saying I am Asian. No one does. I just don’t
get involved, as their mindset and not realising that it is offensive to
some just offends me.
I don’t see my Asian-ness in London. You get so many different
people from all around the world here and that’s a great thing.
More interest and knowledge towards each other’s culture is the key
to understanding and acceptance I think!
‘For me personally, “ASIANS ONLY” or
“NO ASIAN” are both equally rude.’
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qxmagazine.com
Alexander Han
Personal Trainer and
promoter for club Bang!
‘Trying to
understand
who you are
becomes
even more
confusing
when you
don’t even
know what you
are trying to
understand.’
Growing up
as a gay, Chinese man in
London was very lonely and challenging, yet
some of the most important and rewarding
few years of my life. Being 16 is a confusing
time for most boys and being gay and a
foreigner, I was totally lost. I could hardly
meet any other gay Chinese guys like me and
there was no role model that I could look up
to. Trying to understand who you are becomes
even more confusing when you don’t even
know what you are trying to understand.
I felt odd, I felt isolated and started to
question everything about myself. Was
it my skin color? My eyes? My hair? The
way I dress and pronounce, all these
doubts eventually crashed my confidence
completely and forced me into the journey
of stereotyping. I have tried to change
everything that I possibly can in the attempt
to alter my identity and erase my past.
For many years I hated to speak Chinese
in public and have seriously considered
having plastic surgery to make me look
more Westernized. Going to the gym five
times a week just for the sake of six packs
and big arms: I was only trying to fit into
that stereotype. Trying to be accepted.
The funny thing is no matter what I do, I
will never be able to look like one of those
poster boys that the gay community has
been desperately perpetuating.
I can sit on the fence where the two
different cultures assimilated and look at
both sides of where I came from and what I
have become. It broadens my horizon and
definitely gives me a whole new perspective,
but I also believe that every color is unique,
they all vibrate under the sun. Everyone has
a unique personality, background and life
experience, that’s what makes us different;
those sharp edges will make us spark when
we collide together.
Gay, Asian men have been the subject
of prejudice and have been fighting for
our existence and acceptance in a straight
man’s world for too long. We are refusing to
be stuffed into pre-labeled boxes, because
each one of us is unique! If we can’t accept
ourselves, and worse let that negative
feeling project on to others, then we have
another problem, internalized homophobia
is something that most gay men have
experienced consciously or unconsciously.
We are working harder, partying longer
with more drugs and even more casual sex,
pushing us to the limit and taking everything
to the extreme. It’s merely a desperate effort,
trying to compensate for the fact that we can’t
come to peace with ourselves. And all the
prejudice and racial preferencing is only the
side-effects. “If you don’t love yourself, how
the hell are you gonna love someone else?”
I’m in my 30s and only now can I start to fully
comprehend the true meaning of that.
Being faced with racial prejudice has
made me stronger, and who I am today. It’s
very upsetting at the time, especially when
it comes from within the gay community. It’s
one thing that I cannot change and hurts
me the most. But I slowly understand it’s a
result of one’s ignorance and self-hate. They
don’t know me, they have no right to put me
in that box, as long I am sure of myself as a
person and as an individual, everything else
is irrelevant.
In terms of the hook-up apps, it’s a place
where people take measurement over moral
grounds. I’ve seen things that are way worse
then racial preferencing, all I can say is listing
the ‘dislikes 101’ does not make you more
assertive or attractive in anyway.
London’s LGBT community is very diverse
and active, with all the new legislation that is
protecting us now and the significant change
of the social attitude towards gay people,
which has made gay life so much easier. If
we can all just be more accepting to each
other’s differences and let the technology
do what it’s meant to do - making our life
easier, and better at reaching each other.
Hopefully, another young Chinese male
would find it easier growing up as an ethnic
gay man in London.
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qxmagazine.com
Mark Taylor
Menswear Designer for Mark Thomas Taylor
I’m half-English
and half-Thai although
there’s some Irish, Italian, Chinese and Welsh
thrown in there somewhere, too - I guess
that’s pretty standard in London though, eh?
I moved to the UK when I was 18 from
Washington DC and remember being in a
gay bar, and while waiting for my drink to be
poured just politely turned to the guy next to
me and said: “Hey, how’s it going?”
I didn’t fancy him, I was simply being
nice while we both waited. His response:
“Haha… No, not into Asians mate, better
luck next time.”
I was so shocked I just turned back to face
the bar and wait for my drink, calling him a cunt
under my breath.
Let’s face it, the Asian community both East
and South are the least represented within
the gay community in the marketing, the
advertising, etc… I have no issues with that,
but one does have to question why that is?
There are always jokes around when I
date guys that they’re suddenly rice queens,
but could it be that they just fell in love with
an Asian guy? As a society we have dictated
to us what beauty is and being Asian is
certainly not at the forefront. Unless, of
course, you turn to the massage pages in the
back of any gay mag (awwwkwaaarrdddd)
“Halloo massass mister?”
In recent years it’s improved considerably.
I think one of the misconceptions when
guys see an Asian guy in a bar is that they
might not speak English. I had a douchebag
come up to me two weeks ago and say:
“HEEELLLOOO, WHEEEREEE AREEEE
YOUUUUU FROOOOM?!?!”
To which I responded, “I’m Asian, not
sloooow dude.” I laughed and did my shot
of tequila, then danced off to Robyn. This
must have been at least the fourth time that’s
happened over the seven years I’ve been back
in the UK. The other response is “OMG, but
you speak English so well…” which is a total
boner/conversation killer.
We’ve all seen “No blacks, no Asians” - It’s
much worse in the States and Canada than
it is here, but it definitely exists. Whatever
floats their boat. They may feel that they’re
‘Guys who are nasty about race on these apps
are just showing their true selves, which makes
them look shallow and ignorant.’
stating it upfront to not waste anyone’s time,
and I hate playing the race card but I’d say
it’s a pretty racist thing to say. “Gaycism”,
as I call it, is still really prevalent even today
which is shitty. You wouldn’t write, “I’d love
to be friends with everyone except blacks or
Asians” and if you did, well, I sure as hell
wouldn’t want to know you.
We all have a type, and when I do
occasionally use these apps I prefer to write
about “I
am
looking for” rather than what
repulses me. Anyone who has a long list of
negatives isn’t going to get along with me.
At the end of the day I’m half-Asian and
that’s not changing and I’m very happy about
that. Guys who are nasty about race on these
apps are just showing their true selves, which
makes them look shallow and ignorant. I’m
sure some would argue they’re just being
“honest”… Or, as I call it, an asshole.
I think that apps have made it worse, it’s
taken the humanity out of it all. People can
be nasty and then just block them with no
sense of guilt. I certainly don’t think that’s
right nor does it build strong foundations
for a community already marginalised
within society. But, hey, everything is forever
changing so maybe one day you’ll have a
dancing dragon with a bashment queen dutty
whining on it for a flyer. (Kidding).
Overall, we are moving forward as a
society. I’ve met some beautiful, inspiring
and supportive people in this crazy city and
continue to meet more everyday.
I think I’m able to safely say that things will
continue to improve. Not out of tolerance but
out of acceptance. You can’t knock guys for
having a type, I think some people just need
to learn a little more tact and work on softer
delivery when looking for their shags or future
BFs. I’m happy to say the people I surround
myself with all realise that we aren’t defined
by our race, but by our actions. Hey, try an
Asian, apparently we have soft skin!
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